a rough day.

"I was incredibly productive around the house last Thursday so was totally ready to enjoy Myles' nap time on Friday; getting a post up and another ready ahead of time to post today.  My photos were taken, ready to be turned into figures for Foodie Friday.  All I needed to do was lay Myles down when he showed signs of being tired and get to work.

He had other plans.

All of a sudden, my waves bye bye when ready to go to his room toddler was crying hysterically when I put him in his crib. We battled it out and he won.  Eventually he fell asleep in my lap for about 15 minutes.  That was the only nap for the day.   Which put and end to our plans to go out for dinner that night.  He then stayed up late; cutting into Kyle and I's precious alone time before Kyle's early bedtime with a 27 hr call day ahead of him.

The next day was sure to be better right?  Oh sure...if you count a total repeat of the day before...except this time he actually stayed asleep for almost an hour in my lap.

Sunday was heaven. He fell asleep in the car on the way home from church, so like a normal day, he stayed asleep as I transferred him to his crib. He napped over 2 hours until we woke him up so we could go out as a family once Kyle woke up.

He slept wonderfully last night, never whimpering in his sleep like he has every night for a week.  So I had high hopes for today.  But it is now 2 pm and he has only had a 5 minute nap in the car. He is completely exhausted but staying busy.  Whining and grabbing me when I go toward his crib.

The only way I am able to write a post now is because I am typing it out on my phone (he attacks my laptop keyboard whenever he sees it)."  

The above section was written in the middle of my meltdown today.  It was not pretty.  I lost my temper several times.  I was a wreck worrying about how this was going to affect my future days.  Sure I can get used to a crappy schedule like this but I'm not the only one that depends on those naps.  Tomorrow is when I meet with my mentors to work through our bible study.  I haven't been able to go back over the material because of this and we try to meet when he is asleep so that we can really dig into the the questions without distraction.  Also, I had tried to do this 30 day yoga challenge, but haven't been able to do it for 3 of the past 4 days.  I really like having that in my day. 

Eventually I did calm down, and since we were OUT of toilet paper, I allowed him to take his paci and blankie to the grocery.  I cancelled plans to serve a local after school program with our small group.  I fixed dinner, and took Myles outside.  I even managed a load of laundry and somewhat decluttered our dining table.  If Myles isn't overly bothered by the lack of nap, then why should I be so affected?

Because I am selfish.  Sure I can be more productive when he is asleep, but him napping also allows me to do stuff that I want to do.  That isn't a bad thing necessarily, but I could do more when he is awake.  And right now I'm just going to have to.  I may not like it, but this is reality right now.  Honestly it is still a pretty easy hard.  It really could be so much worse.  

Even so... I am hoping there is a "reason" for this.  Maybe he is finally getting some molars and instead of being miserable all the time, he just wants extra cuddle time and not to be left alone?  

Its a phase.

Its a phase.

Its a phase.

I'm trying to remind myself of the good moments in these tough days.  How he grabbed my arm this morning on the couch and kissed me over and over again.  How good he really was at the grocery even though I was just waiting for the meltdown to happen.  How he was so happy to explore outside and laid his head on my shoulder and patted my back.  How he found his little horse and made it jump on the walls while I folded laundry.  How he was SO happy to help unload the groceries.  How he kept pushing my face into Kyle's to make us kiss and if I paused long enough I got a few paci kisses from him.   He really is a sweet kid even if he does have a nervous wreck for a mom. 

a calm, good moment after the storm of the rest of the day.

I don't want this space to ever be about me just complaining about stuff, but I also don't want it to only be recipes and outfit choices.  This is real life.  And it is a mess right now.  

survivor story : night float with a kid

A year and a half-ish into residency and we officially have 5 months of nights under our belt. The more we have had, the easier and less ominous those months have become.  I, like anyone in this, have had to figure out what works and what doesn't and my new "rules" will probably work as Myles gets older.  I thought I would share in case others out there haven't figured out a routine that works for them yet.

First, let me sort of map out a typical day when my resident works a day shift.

Myles and I are awake sometime after Kyle leaves for work (6-7am).  Myles currently takes a morning and afternoon nap so we hang out until the first nap (9-10am), at which time I shower and get a chore done before he wakes up.  Then I get us ready to go out for the day, whether to run an errand, meet friends somewhere, or just go out in the yard.  We make it home in time for lunch or Myles' nap, depending on the activity of the day.  During the second nap (2ish- time and length varies), I usually do another chore of some sort or write while I catch up on a show.  Then I need to get a game plan together for dinner so that dinner is started or ready to be started when Kyle lets me know he is headed home (6ish).  Once he is home, we eat and get Myles ready for bed (7pm) before we relax together until bedtime (9-10).

A typical day when my resident works a night float (no rules included).

Myles and I wake up between 6-7am.  Kyle gets home around 7am or later, almost immediately going to bed.  Myles naps 9-10am or so.  We venture out sometime before his second nap which is usually around 2pm and lasts an hour or more.  I wake Kyle up by 3pm.  Kyle gets showered while I heat some food up and sometimes we eat together before he leaves for work again at 4:30pm.  Myles asleep at 7.  I go to sleep whenever I make myself (usually around 10).

Now my "rules".

1. During Myles' naps, I take time for me.  I take a long shower, I watch my shows, I read a book, I sit on the deck.  Other than yard work that needs to be completed during the day, I do not do chores.  Most chores are pretty loud inside (think dishes or vacuuming) and would bother Kyle even with the door shut.  This keeps me sane.  
2. We always have an outing.  We go to the zoo, or walk around Target or meet a friend for a play date.  Sometimes it is just going in the front yard to roll around in the grass.  We get out of the house. This is crucial.  Kyle has gotten better about sleeping through normal daily noise but this lets us worry a little less and not go so stir crazy.  
3. We try to eat with Kyle a couple times a week.  Because family time.  And it is important to me to make sure Kyle has something homemade so he doesn't feel so much like a zombie surviving off of Chick-fil-a and cafeteria food night after night after night.  Sometimes I fail and he ends up eating frozen pizza or chicken strips but he appreciates the trying.  The crock pot is my friend.
4. I do the chores at night.  I have had all of my "me" time during the day and once Myles is asleep for the night, I am alone, so I become productive.  Myles can sleep through everything so no chore is off limit.  It is pretty important that I divide up all of the chores on a calendar so that I don't get overwhelmed and shut down.  One major (like things I can't stand doing) chore per night.  
5. Kyle's days off are time to ask for help with things I can't do alone but otherwise, his days off are protected family time.  Basically, no visitors.  We might decide to do something fun for a couple of hours with some friends but family is discouraged from coming to visit us during these months.

Different things work for different people and every program does things differently. What "rules" work at your house?

personal challenge : project downsize

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This is Project Downsize.

A while back I talked about wanting to put myself on a schedule of small projects to do on the weekends so that I can slowly be more ready to move rather than last minute hysteria.  So here goes nothing.  

 (Disclaimer: sorry if I offend anyone during this process, I can't take the crap anymore.  It is not coming with us to SC.  Now to get Kyle to agree.  Because let me tell ya... I know I am a pack rat...because I'm lazy.  He is the other kind.  The sentimental pack rat.  The one who can't let go of ANYTHING that might have SOME memory attached or is afraid to get rid of it because it was a gift 10 years ago.)

Goals:
Decrease the amount of stuff we have sitting around.  When nicknacks start being piled on top of nicknacks, its time to downsize.  Just because someone gave us something shouldn't be reason to keep it when we never look at it or use it (Kyle).  Same goes for things we have bought ourselves.  Just because it was a good deal does not mean we should have bought it (I'm the guilty party here).

Decrease the amount of stuff we are storing (aka hiding).  Because we most likely aren't using it.  If we are, great.  It can stay.  But its time to decrease the stuff in the drawers and closets...because it's keeping us from finding what we need when we need it in these locations.  And less stuff in there, means less stuff to pack that will just end up in an attic or basement when we move, never to be seen again.  Why should we box that stuff up to begin with?

By downsizing, I intend to sort things by keep, trash, donate, or sell.

Deep clean everything.  Because it will make the final cleaning before we hand our keys back to our landlord that much faster and easier.

Sell big things early.  There are a few things we know we want to get rid of.  And it is worth the extra money we might can get out of it now (to go towards making our future house a home) to live with the inconvenience of doing without for a few months here.

The Schedule:

Weekend : March 23-24:  Downsize things being stored in the hutch and kitchen cabinet.  These things are the main large items to be sold.  Downsize stuff in the spare closet and hall closet.

During the week:  Take sorted items for donation to Goodwill.  Box up everything in the hutch.  It never gets used but is stuff to keep (nice dishes).

Weekend : March 30-31:  We will be going home for Easter so this weekend I need to post the large items on Craigslist.

During the week:  Downsize stuff in the kitchen and bookcases.  There is a yard sale this weekend!

Weekend : April 6:  Yard sale at Julia's.  Anything not sold to be taken to a consignment shop or Goodwill.

During the week:  Clean out the fireplace.  It may still be cold but it would just be silly to have any more fires in it.

Weekend : April 13-14:  Go to Greenville to do some house hunting!

During the week:  Dust everything in the apartment.

Weekend : April 20-21:  Clean the grout in the shower and floor tile of the spare bathroom and floor of our bathroom.

Weekend : April 27-28:  Clean the baseboards and spindles of kitchen window thing.  They are white and get grimy.

Weekend : May 4-5:  Clean off the balcony.

Weekend : May 11-12:  Take a break.  Its graduation weekend!  But maybe box up extra towels.

Weekend : May 18-19:  Box up winter clothes

Weekend : May 25-26:  Box up books and decorations.

I know this is not a complete list.  I know I'm forgetting some major things.  But this is the big stuff.  And I really don't want to write about everything I do.  This is already quite a lot.  

Now then... anyone want to volunteer to help?

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