weekend replay : a long one

Just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who stopped by for Medical Monday this past week.  I loved getting comments from you all.  I also apologize for not participating more in your posts... it was a rough week.

It was a bittersweet weekend.  An extra long one actually.  So this will be an extra long post. 

My weekend started Wednesday afternoon. 

Tuesday night Kyle's grandfather passed away.  It was something we were expecting for a while and somewhat of a blessing.  He was really not doing well the last week of his life and was relieved of his suffering.  The visitation was scheduled 4 hours away in TN for Thursday night and the funeral Friday morning at 11am.  This posed a unique issue.  

It was also graduation weekend.  For my husband and brother.  Not only graduation, but Friday afternoon at 2pm was also my brother's commissioning service into the US Air Force.  In Louisville.  Not something I wanted to miss (neither did Kyle) but he needed to decide what he would rather us do. It was his grandfather after all.  (A man I greatly respected and loved.)

So Wednesday afternoon I left work early to make sure we had everything finished before we went out of town... Mother's Day presents... errands to run... because it was about to be a whirlwind.

We left Thursday morning and went straight to TN.  We were able to spend a few hours with Kyle's family before the visitation.  Before we went to the funeral home, my mother in law mentioned my brother's commissioning service and that we were both going to miss it.  I commented that Kyle still hadn't decided what to do.  So she decided right then for us.  We should attend the visitation... we would see everyone there, get to talk and hear stories of Vernon's life, and then we should make it back to Louisville.  It's what Kyle's grandfather would have wanted us to do.  Thank you for making that decision for us.  

Our favorite picture of him from his 80th birthday party last summer.

The visitation was tough.  But we learned some cool stuff about this man.  Everyone he came in contact with in his 80 years was touched by him.  He was such a lovable man.  And he had the greatest laugh.  Also, like most military men, (he served in the Navy), he had a nickname.  Jason.  Makes no sense.  No one that we talked to knows why it was his nickname.  But there was a picture of him with his buddies and all of their caps had their nicknames painted on.  His real name was Vernon Myles Hartley.  Jason.  Interesting.  He volunteered at a lot of community projects.  At the hospital.  Touching lives everywhere.  He loved baseball and hard work.  He loved his shed in the backyard and obsessively fixed anything that was broken. He mowed the little old ladies' lawns in his area.  Above all, he loved the Lord and his family.  I'm glad he was my husband's grandfather.  And I'm glad I was welcomed into the family by him almost 7 years ago.  

We made it back to Kyle's parent's house at about 11pm CT.  We got up at 6:30am the next morning, left the house by 8am and made it to Louisville at 12:30pm ET.  Changed clothes and quickly made it to my brother's commissioning service.  

from our sibling shoot.  more pics to come in a few days.

He had no idea we had decided to come.  I was able to surprise him with a kiss on the cheek.  My little brother's hard work over the past 5 years, the many lessons learned, the close calls with grades, the late nights of working harder than almost every cadet in his detachment, finally paid off.  After a terrible Keynote speaker (who never made a point in his 45 minute speech), an oath, many gifts, some video slide shows; my brother and 3 other young men accepted their positions as 2nd Lieutenants in the US Air Force.  My brother to eventually be a logistics officer in Japan, another to join the security forces in North Dakota, the 3rd to pilot training in Mississippi, and the 4th to join combat systems in Florida. 

Being sworn in by a good family friend and mentor.

Friday night was ended by a big party at a local restaurant across the river.  It had a beautiful night view of the Louisville skyline.  Many of my brother's friends showed up and the out of town guests that came from across the country to celebrate with us.  

 

My brother decided not to walk in his graduation Saturday morning.  He didn't really care to (they don't get individually recognized, there are so many people) especially after the 2.5 hour commissioning ceremony we had all just been there for.  So we slept in a bit, grabbed some lunch and waited for Kyle's parents to make it up here for his graduation that afternoon.  My husband is now officially a doctor.  It has been a long road getting here, but a long road that now feels like happened in a heartbeat.  Congratulations to all the students who are about to begin their Residency journeys.

3 weeks to our moving date and the beginning of a whole new adventure.

the Match : tears of joy

Match Ceremony 2013

I was a bundle of nerves.

He was having fun.

There was food.

And lots of free drinks.

And drawings for prizes.

And right before noon, envelopes were handed out.

And all the med students had to wait.

For the countdown, to open them.

5

-

4

-

3

-

2

-

1

It was our #1

thankful thursday

This Thursday I am thankful for:

image source

support.  I have received so much love, words of encouragement, prayers for tomorrow's Match in the past week.  It is majorly appreciated and helped ease some of the anxieties this week.  Its almost over!

image source

1 day.  Only one day left.  One day.  One day.  One day.  And this is over.  And everything else begins.  Crap.

monotonous work.  I made sure there would be plenty of things to occupy my mind this week so work would keep my mind off the Match.  While it hasn't completely been off of it with everyone asking about it, they have also been part of the support.  And thus appreciated.  But nothing can keep my mind occupied better than repetitively circling hundreds of neurons on a computer screen.  For hours upon hours.  Yessssssssssss.

What are you thankful for this week?

This week I am linking up with:

checking in : its going to be a long week.

Well, he matched for Gen Surg.

Somewhere.

Now we wait.  4 more days.

Its really going to be a long week.

Come back later for a weekend replay... I still haven't sorted through my pictures.

And if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe!  -->

the Match : what is it?

Since I am frequently (usually more than once by the same person) asked, and with one week to go before we have the "did we or didn't we" question answered, I figured it was a good time to write an explanation for what exactly this thing, the "Match", I keep referring to, is.

NRMP:  National Residency Matching Program
aka: The Match.
aka: what my husband has been working hard towards for the past 4 years.

The Match program was developed in 1952 to help students find placement in their future residency programs.  Before this point, there had been dissatisfaction with the old method of competition where the hospitals benefited by filling positions early and students from holding out to the last minute.  That sounds like a lot on a student's plate... not only are they traveling and having to continue rotations (like is still done today), but they are also playing hardball with programs, waiting for the best offer but hoping not to wait too long before all positions are filled at "safer" locations, all while not being sure whether what you are waiting for or passing up is really your best possible fit for your personality or family.  And in a lot of cases, it wasn't (wiki).

The decisions that the Match makes is run by a computer using a special algorithm.  This algorithm is based upon a mathematical idea called the Stable Marriage Problem (wiki).  The Stable Marriage Problem is often defined by:

"Given n men and n women, where each person has ranked all members of the opposite sex with a unique number between 1 and n in order of preference, marry the men and women together such that there are no two people of opposite sex who would both rather have each other than their current partners. If there are no such people, all the marriages are "stable"."

If you insert the word "programs" for "men", "applicants" for "women", "match" for "marry", "group" for "sex", you have a pretty good outline for what is happening for all of the 4th year medical students right now:

Given n programs and n applicants, where each person has ranked all members of the opposite group with a unique number between 1 and n in order of preference, match the programs and applicants together such that there are no two pairs of opposite groups who would both rather have each other than their current partners. If there are no such people, all the matches are "stable".

More of a visual learner?  Me too:

image source

So how should a student make their rank list?

As honestly as possible.

Dreaming of going to that prestigious hospital that you interviewed at, but don't think you have the scores to really make it?  Put it at #1!!!!!!  Don't chicken out.  Putting a long shot that you are in love with in your #1 doesn't hurt you!  The only thing at the top of your list that hurts you, is not ranking in order of what you REALLY WANT.  Maybe its a long shot, or maybe they liked your personality more than your scores... not putting them first would be the only thing that ruins your chances with them if they really like you too. 

The bottom of the list was the trickiest for us.  The programs we aren't too excited about but would be "okay" with...the "better than nothing" portion.  We really had to get "nitty gritty" with our details to decide where to rank things on the bottom half of our list... when you aren't all that excited but still want to rank them, that extra cafeteria spending money may be the only thing that helps you decide spot9 from spot10... so don't forget your notebook of details!

What should you do with that program you interviewed at that you just had bad vibes from?  That place you REALLY don't want to go to?  DON'T PUT IT ON THE LIST.  Nothing says you have to put it on there...  Just because you spend a lot of money making it to the interview, or they sent you letters saying how much they LOVED you?  NO.  It is not worth your misery if you were to match with them.

Really the only 2 things that will hurt you if you are a good candidate are:  to not be honest with your ranking, and to put something on the list where you don't want to go.

Because, well, this is a binding contract.

On Match Day, if you open that envelope, it is mathematically your best pairing between places that wanted you and places YOU ranked.  If you don't like your location... well tough luck.  By placing them on your list, you are saying that whether you match to your #1, or your #25, you will go.  You move yourself/your family to that new place, and you will show up to work in the summer.

So be honest with yourself.  Rank the long shot.  Don't rank where you will hate to be.

The inbetween reasons for where you put what program are completely up to you.  And there are many reasons to place things in certain orders:
Fun locations, closer to family, further from family, love the program, love the city, liked the residents, better perks, better pay, housing markets... the list goes on and on and on... but make sure it is what you (and your spouse) want.  Not what your extended family preferes, not what your current friends prefer.  What YOU want.  Because you are the one that has to live the crazy life of residency firsthand.

So how am I feeling right now about next week? 

Truth:  I'm FREAKING OUT.  About 40% nervousness/anxiety, 60% anticipatory excitement.  I just want to know that everything is okay!  I want to stop worrying that the outcome is going to be bad.  I want to get the ball rolling so I can do some REAL house hunting!  And begin the arduous task of sorting and packing.

Thanks to my friend Laura for this reminder:
verse of the day:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Good luck to all the 4th years in next week's Match.  You aren't alone in your excitement or anxiety!

Today I am participating in the Medical Mondays Blog Hop!  Anyone have anything to add to this?

For more on parts of our med school story and advice, you can read:
rank order list: our dice throw 
before residency: interviews
the beginning of a new normal

Don't forget to subscribe! --->

you know you are a fan when...

 You know you are a Game of Thrones fan (book series by George RR Martin, also a TV series on HBO) when a person at work asks about the impending Match, and you list your locations and THEN she asks about the specialty your husband has chosen... (surgery)

And proceeds to warn you about how TERRIBLE its going to be.  I mean goes on, and on, and on about it... Like, thank you, I hadn't already thought about it, but I will nod and smile along.

And makes suggestions:  with those long hours and years of training, if you guys have kids, well then you (me) are just going to need to stay at home with them... already thought of that, thanks.

And: Oh!  Its going to be like 10 years before you all make any doctor worthy money... yup... knew that already.

And all thats going through my head are these scenes...

  

 starting at 2:10...or really just the whole thing.

starting at 0:55.

"Everyone knew what this place was, and no one told me.  No one but you.  My father knew, and he left me to rot at the Wall all the same."

We will not be able to prepare ourselves for how bad surgery residency will be... no matter how many people tell us.  It shakes me every time someone has the reaction that the collaborator did.  

I suppose its because I expect people to be all "oooo! aaah! Surgeon! WOW!"  

Even though it most likely wasn't for my benefit that she said what she did, she probably comes out ahead of everyone else.  Because she was honest/didn't hold back.  Not that other people aren't, they just really don't know what the life is like.

And neither do I.

I can tell myself its going to be hard.

But I won't really know the extent of it until I'm in it.  Because med school is just a taste.  It might be bad for a few weeks, but the next rotation may be a piece of cake.  This will be the bad weeks, all year, for 5 years.  And then worse for the rest of his career.

And then I will probably remember this person and her honest response, and be glad that someone was willing to shake me back to reality.

But, then I think:  I also don't know how good it might can be.

I guess that's just all part of the adventure.   

rank order list : our dice throw

image source

Today THE list is due.

The list made up of the programs he interviewed at over the past few months.
The list of locations I explored to the best of my abilities.
The list of places I have fallen in love with.
The list of places I am just 'okay' with.
The list that has influence over where we will be for the next 5 years.
The list that we labored over because the order is as important as the programs you place on it.
The list that we excluded nothing from.
The list that we have prayed for.
The list that I have placed way too much importance in. 
The list that means nothing.
Because the decision has already been made.

Verses of the day:
"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)

"We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall." Proverbs 16:33 (NLT)

"Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.  What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.”" James 4:13-15 (NLT)

Wow.

I have been praying that whatever the decision is, I will be happy with it.  That I will trust that these biblical truths are real to me, that I will trust that the decision is God's purpose for us, and that I may delight in Him and his plans.  Because if I'm honest, there a few locations that I'm not so excited about.  And even fewer that I am all out excited about.  But He knows what is best for me in all things.

And it will be an adventure.
  
We have thrown our dice.  Now we just have to wait.
March 11th.  We know whether he matched to something on his list.
if yes...
March 15th. 12pm. He will open an envelope. And we will know.

The beginning of a new normal

image source 

For years now I've read from blogs of friends... Julia over at black tag diaries, Amy at That Winsome Girl, and various others from time to time... church leaders, traveling friends... I guess I decided its time for me to join in.

You see, I'm in the calm before the storm right now.  My husband, being a 4th year medical student, is a month away from finding out where a computer will decide we should spend the next 5 years of our lives while he is trained to be a surgeon... more on that later.  That day will hopefully set in motion many other new experiences for us: buying a house, moving more than 2 hours away from our previous location, and moving away from KY for the first time in either of our lives.

So why not?  Why not get in the habit now of semi-regularly writing a post about what is going on in our lives?  I plan to use this as a bit of a scrapbook... document photo sessions, craft projects, home improvement plans, dreams, thoughts, ADVENTURES.  Because that is what this next chapter of our life together is going to be.  A huge adventure.  I might as well look at it that way... otherwise I might just get swallowed up by the overwhelming dread of the unknown that is usually my passenger.  But what is the fun in that?

In the summer of 2009, I attended my husband's officer training graduation at Maxwell Air Force Base.  While there, I received some of the best advice of my life.  It holds true for not only military families, but medical families as well.  Especially for someone of my background.  An officer's wife shared with the rest of the spouses:

The best way to survive this is to change your sense of normal.

The normal I grew up with will never be the normal of my life as the wife of a surgeon or a military officer.  But if I can accept this new definition of "normal", and accept that the definition will never stop changing, I can do this, and have some fun along the way.

Any advice out there for the future of this blog?

Verse of the day: "Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3